The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
