the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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