I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
