I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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