Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
