even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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