yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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