Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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