it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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