Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
