Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
