I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
