Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
