Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
