please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
