I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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