Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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