I love black thongs
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
