I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
