I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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