she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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