I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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