I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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