I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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