spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
