ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
