I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
NoShamevember. You game?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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