oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
