i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
