you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
