Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
