If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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