Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
