So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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