I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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