you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
