i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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