he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
