R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
