Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
