I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
