You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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