shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
