i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
