I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
