I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
