you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Congratulations! We have a period
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