I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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