Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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