Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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