You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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