Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
