I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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