oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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