I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
