So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i already hear my dad disowning me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
