i jhust puked up my retainher.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
