Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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