she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
