we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
