A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
