I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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