youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
