I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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