i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
