i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
