All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
