Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I currently don't understand fingers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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