i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
