i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
