I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
pray to the hookup gods
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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