life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
