I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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