you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
