remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
