I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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