i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
its liver damage thursday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
