Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
