she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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