Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
