oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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