That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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