U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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